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NSFW Guide to Watching Porn on your iPad

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 05:54 PM PDT

If you’re one of the lucky ones who snagged an iPad, then you’re probably subject to “oos” and “aahs” as much as the occasional stare and possibly a “can I try it?” All this attention is prone to seriously cramp your private surfing capabilities. With the advent of iPad optimized porn, how can you truly keep your porn habit a secret?

What to Watch
Lets kick it off with what to watch. Two of the leading companies to release iPad optimized porn are high end porn purveyors Digital Playground and Pink Visual. The companies worked furiously against the iPad launch to make porn optimized specifically for the iPad without really forcing you to change how you watch and download porn. By upgrading the software and streaming servers, the companies are able to offer video-on-demand titles that look slammin’ on your new iPad. Other more niche websites for iPad optimized porn include the BDSM site BDSMPad.com, gay site DominicFord.com, Spankmo.com, OnePadPorn.com, and NightMobile.biz.

Keep it Dry
Designed to keep your iPad completely dry and smudge free, outfit your iPad with a TrendyDigital WaterGuard waterproof case, $19.99. Described by the manufacturer to “protect against water, dust, dirt, sand and other elements,” you can be sure to keep your iPad in tip top shape while ogling the ladies or guys onscreen.

Go Hands Free
Sometimes, you might just want to prop the iPad up and go hands free. You don’t want to worry about dropping the iPad or positioning the slippery iPad on your lap. That’s why we love the Macally Viewstand, $49. Styled to look like a miniature iMac, this stand props up the iPad so you can watch your videos as you would if you were using a full sized computer. Another option is the super sturdy and luxury Joule iPad stand, $129, that has three different tilt levels for optimal viewing angle.

Keep it Quiet
Every iPad user needs a pair of noise canceling earphones. Not just so you can get the best sound quality possible while watching a movie, but also so nosy eavesdroppers won’t hear what you’re really listening to. If you’ve got the cash and really want to hear the deep bass of all those moans and groans while keeping it private from your neighbors, then Beats Tour High Resolution In-Ear, $179.95, will do the trick. If you prefer the wireless version to avoid tangled wires and take advantage of the iPad’s bluetooth, there’s the Jaybird Sportsband Bluetooth Headphones for $89.95. The Jaybirds have a contoured cup to press against your ear and make it hard for anyone else to tune into to what you’re listening to. Either way, your neighbors will just assume you’re listening to CrunchGear and Friends rather than revealing your true activities.

Make Sure It’s Private
Since everyone is so eager to see exactly how the iPad works and what you’re doing on it, it may be time to invest in an iPad privacy screen. Like a computer privacy screen, this shade prevents onlookers from seeing what you’re doing from a side angle. This is perfect for situations like looking at porn while on the train, on the treadmill at the gym, while in class, or in board meetings. And if you’re more worried about your family or girlfriend getting a hold of your iPad porn stash, you may want to download an app like Safe Eyes Mobile, $19.99. The app lets you filter exactly what your family sees by using blocks and it has the added feature of super fast screen minimization in case someone walks in on you while surfing.

We’ve given you the tools, now you can watch your iPad porn completely uninterrupted, no matter where you are. Success.

Guest columnist Lydia Leavitt writes about sex and, oddly enough, social media. For more information on the latest intimate technology, check out 69adget.com.

Photo by: bearotic.com

Wait, HP has a Wiimote too?

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 04:54 PM PDT


Once we’d seen the Wü and the Eee stick, we figured the knockoff motion controllers were pretty much done. But then, of course, there was the Sony Move. And Project Natal. And now there’s the HP Swing? Please let it be India-exclusive so we don’t have to worry about it… yes!

Apparently without fanfare, or even an announcement, the Swing is coming bundled with mid-range Pavilion desktops over on the sub-continent. And according to the source, HP is claiming it’s the first time motion control has been available on the PC. HP, it’s good to do research before making claims like that.

I should know — I’m the world’s smartest mancitation needed.

It does have one distinguishing feature, however: it looks like a peanut. There’s a big market for that among bonobos and ungulates aged 7-14.

[via Engadget]

Hubble Space Telescope celebrates its 20th birthday with ridiculous photo

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 11:00 AM PDT

It was 20 years ago today that NASA (working in conjunction with the European Space Agency) launched the Hubble Space Telescope into the heavens—well, a low Earth orbit, at least. I recall some of the buzz back then along the lines of "What a giant waste of money!" Once they fixed that mirror, it was smooth sailing.

I mean, look at this! NASA’s using this photo to celebrate the telescope’s twentieth birthday. NASA calls it a "turbulent cosmic pinnacle," and it’s somewhere within the Carina Nebula. It’s 7,500 light years away from us here on Planet Earth. In other words, the image (the light) you’re looking at right now took 7,500 years to reach our eyes.

You quite literally looking into the past, ladies and gentlemen.

Or the other way around: let’s say there’s some sort of friendly Space Alien somewhere in the cloud of dust. He’s looking at Planet Earth with his telescope, and he’s seeing the year 5490 BCE. He doesn’t even know we have the iPad yet!

You’re encouraged to download the 12.01MB PDF to see the full resolution image.

Weekend Giveaway: Slacker Radio Plus subscription and a pony

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 09:16 AM PDT

While I don’t want to suggest that you people are lazy (you are), I do want to offer you slackers two one year subscriptions to Slacker Radio Plus and three three-month subscriptions. With these subscriptions you get:

Slacker Radio Plus:
*Unlimited Skips
*Unlimited Song Requests
*No Audio or Banner Ads
*Complete Lyrics
*Station caching on BlackBerry, Android and coming soon to iPhone
*Over 2 Million Songs
*A Pony (Prize is not available)

Sounds great, right? (Note the fine print about the pony. You don’t really get a pony.)


To win, tell us what song or band you would name your pony after and why. I’ll pick two first prize winners and three second prize winners on Monday.

Like a candle in the wind, iPod Touch with camera appears and disappears on eBay

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 08:58 AM PDT

And you thought Giz was the only game in town when it came to Apple dev units. Some folks on eBay posted two development iPod Touches with cameras placed at the center of the rear panel and running some odd variant of OS X. It’s not huge news – we knew the Touch was getting a camera eventually – but if you had designs on these things, think again. eBay just pulled them.

9to5mac grabbed all of the images and slapped them up before the auction ended prematurely.

Incidentally, one of the signs of the End Times was the release of development Apple hardware, so look for the Pale Horse coming across the dead plains.

Daily Crunch: Demolition Edition

Posted: 24 Apr 2010 06:47 AM PDT
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